Monday, August 21, 2006

This Blog Can be Bought

In light of recent revelations that Bloggers and "journalists" have been paid to tout products or ideas, I would like to make it perfectly clear that this blog can be bought for the right price.

Please see price list below.

Endorsement of political candidate of your choice
  • Price is per post
  • Presidential (Republican): 1 night in the Lincoln bedroom, left metatarsal from Lincoln corpse
  • Presidential (Libertarian): 2-for-1 dinner coupon at Denny's
  • Presidential (Democrat): not applicable (only viable candidates endorsed)
  • Governor (Georgia): Let's just forget about those speeding tickets, shall we?
  • Governor (other): $50 per consonant, $25 per vowel, $10 discount if candidate is a member of a recognized minority (e.g. Republican in Vermont)
  • School Board (Cobb County): 2000 copies of "On the Origin of Species" to be donated to local church libraries
Ebullient endorsement of the Discovery family of television networks
  • minimum 1 post
  • maximum 5 posts
  • guaranteed use of the words "enchanting", "must see", "intelligent", and or "Lindsey Lohan*" in each post

*included for search engine optimization
  • 1 weekend shopping in New York City with the wife, supervised by Stacy and Clinton
Flattering review of a VoIP service and/or VoIP equipment
  • 1 to 10 flattering post comments guaranteed
  • Disparaging comments disabled for the duration of the contract*
*comments may be stored for later use and/or repurposed as comments on other topics
  • All equipment provided free of charge (for "imparital" evaluation)
  • 1000 hours of free calling on said equipment (see "impartial" above)
  • Direct line to Vice President of customer care for technical problem resolution (must be real VP, not made up and outsourced VP)
Flattering review of TiVO service and/or equipment

  • 180-hour, dual tuner, Series 2 or later TiVo with built in DVD burner and integrated wireless support
  • Lifetime programming support for said TiVO
Overt support for the homosexual agenda
  • Discount if only tacit support is requested
  • Tickets for four to "The Drowsy Chaperone", orchestra center, Saturday evening performance and dinner party afterwards with the cast
  • One BowFlex Xtreme 2 Home Gym, delivered and installed
Overt support for the radical right agenda
  • $2500 shopping spree at Wal-Mart (must include guns-n-ammo section)
  • One BowFlex Xtreme 2 Home Gym, delivered and installed
Endorsement of Delta Airlines
  • Complimentary and guaranteed upgrade to business class on all flights to and from Japan
  • Failing the above, hourly personal massages from flight attendant Koko and a guarantee of an empty adjoining middle seat
  • Failing the above, just try not to injure me or lose my luggage this time, please ....

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